有種關係叫奧本海默與愛因斯坦

看了《Oppenheimer 》已經一段時間了當中有很多很精彩的電影情節以及複雜的人際關係，當中我覺得最深刻的並不是奧本海默混亂的男女關係，或者是他跟Strauss的勾心鬥角，而是他與Einstein 短暫且平淡的交談。

從16型人格的角度來看，Oppenheimer 是ENTP, Einstein 則是INTP，他們Ego（自我） 的Cognitive function 如下：

ENTP: Ne, Ti, Fe, Si

INTP: Ti, Ne, Si, Fe

他們兩者的組合是一樣，但次序有所不同，那他們的分別在哪裡？當然不只是一個是extravert, 另一個是introvert，那麼簡單。

ENTP及INTP 同屬intellectuals, IQ高、理性主義的朋友（Ti user)，他們的temperament 也是一樣(Abstract, Pragmatic, Systematic)；

他們最大分別是在於interact ion style (互動風格）：ENTP的風格是主動、故事性（即是好長氣）及movement (隨機應變，一路做一路plan)，而INTP則是background type, 喜歡做幕後，被動、故事性及control (plan好先做）。

講返套戲，Oppenheimer搵Einstein傾談有兩次，第一次在湖邊，另一次在森林裡。兩次交淡都是很隱密的，在湖邊那次談話的內容導演是在電影快結束前才公佈，Oppenheimer 想邀請Einstein參與原子彈的計劃，而Einstein的回應是堅決拒絕參與，有趣的是Oppenheimer聽後並沒有試圖游說他加入團隊，而作為朋友的Einstein，語重心長地勸勉Oppenheimer不要參加，而且後果會好嚴重，結果會被政治迫害等（結果果然也是如此），但Oppenheimer 已無退路，他已經承諾了軍官成為team leader，他亦因為愛國的情懷，非做原子彈不可。

第二次是Oppenheimer找Einstein解決數學/機率計算的問題，到底引爆原子彈會摧毀地球的機會率有好少？Einstein的計算的答案則是：「不是零。」

Einstein雖然沒有參與曼克頓計劃，但在重要時刻往往為Oppenheimer提供中肯而誠實的專業意見。Oppenheimer與Einstein像是合作無間一樣。但在16型人格，他們不是絕配，而是會有好多火花的組合，因為Cognitive 太相近，兩者會經常意見不合，易有拗撬，但由於兩位物理學家，在各自的領域上各有千秋，而且能夠互相尊重，所以表面上看似合作沒有太大問題。

最後我想說，我好欣賞Einstein的坦率，forward thinking，理性邏輯思維，還有Oppenheimer的知人善任，他組合到地球上最強大的team，同埋他好有guts，明知前路凶險仍願意繼續前行，他最後亦如期完成任務，並承擔政治後果，被政治欺凌，但他有一班志同道合的朋友最後聯手拯救了他，令他能全身而退。

最後他因為滅頂式的罪惡感，患上depression，鬱鬱而終…但世界上只有他有能力達成這個不可能的任務，因此我是十分之佩服、尊敬他！！

Breakup/ Divorce

When there is a relationship, there is always a breakup. Breakup is inevitable. Every relationship will eventually come to the end. There is no eternal relationship, unless u believe in God.

Thus if u want to begin a new relationship, u have to be prepared for the breakup. This is the wise thing to do. If u don’t prepare yourself, breakup could be devastating, destructive and dangerous.

I have been working with people who were dealing with their nasty breakups/divorces. Almost 99% of the cases, developed depression, anxiety disorder, become suicidal…

I asked myself how to prevent/protect them from such disasters. Over the years, i found my answer, which is always prepare yourself for breakups, learn how to cope with the uncertainties and the attachment issue with the other person.

If u can achieve this, you will be able to let go of every relationships u have, and handle well with all the breakups.

In theory, this seems easy and achievable. But in practices we all know it is improbable and almost impossible, unless u are a robot or AI?

Every now and then, I review literature regarding to “grieving process” to see if there are some new ways/shortcuts to cope with it.

The answer is No, there is no shortcuts, no certain ways that guarantee your healing ❤️‍🩹. The trauma can stay with u forever, until the day u passed away.

Therefore, grief work is extremely difficult, prevention is easier, I think.

Then how to prepare yourself? I think it is a general acceptance that life is full of challenges and uncertainties. Try not to freak out if life give u curve balls. Accept the way it is, go with the flow. Don’t ask for anything, don’t have any expectations, and most importantly be independent.

Being independent means being finically, physically, emotionally, mentally independent. For example: You can live alone without your family, friends supporting you. You can go to movies/travel far by yourself. You can handle all your expanses, finances, be responsible of all your emotions, ups and downs. You do not throw your emotions baggage to others.

You are flexible, u can be alone or with other people. You give other people spaces, freedom of choices, and time. You respect yourself and others’ boundaries.

Yeah there is it. If u can do that, no breakups can’t break u and you become the charming person in your circles. You can do whatever u want, the world is your oyster. 😉

“Every end is a new beginning.”

Every ending is an opportunity to move forward. We are able to move forward because we have already moved backward.

You’ve had your whole life planned out. You were going to go to school, get a job, buy a house, start a family, and retire.

Then, something happens. You lose your job. Or your spouse leaves you. You get into an accident, or your house catches fire. You get cancer.

When life throws you curve balls, you feel like you’re out of control. You’re not sure what you should do next.

The good news is, you’re not out of control. You still have options. You can choose to sit and wallow in misery, or you can choose to move forward.

Life is a never-ending story. We have all experienced pain and sorrow. We have also experienced joy, love, and happiness. But we need to learn to live in the present moment, and that is what will help us move forward.

If you’re sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, chances are you’ll miss out on opportunities that are waiting for you.

Don’t you see… you have a new opportunity, a fresh start. Today is a new day!