ESFJ (aka Supporter)

Cognitive function: Fe-Si-Ne-Ti

Fe-hero: ethics, empathy

Si-parent: the past, long-term memory

Ne-child: metaphysics, pathfinder

Ti-inferior: logical thinking, analysis

Interaction styles: Initiating, informative and movement (Starters type)

Characteristics:

1. Loyal/Dutiful/motivated by obligations, but they don’t really know what they want in life.

2. Supportive/ Extra caring (Fe hero)/ know everyone’s feelings.

3. Very strong sense of justice (Ti inferior).

4. Walking Covert contract (Fe hero; if I’m a good person, good things will happen to me; if I do something good, other ppl will treat me right/better).

5. Easy to be taking advantage of.

6. Memory lasts forever.

7. Can take/tolerate suffering.

8. Love routine and expect others to follow it.

9. Wants to be valued/listened, emotional delicate.

10. Constantly worry that they are not good enough/ worry that they are doing something wrong or they don’t deserve u, if they don’t receive recognition/appreciation on a regular basis.

11. Usually good at housework, cleaning, organising things, cooking, etc.

How to cope with a family member with Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

*Remarks: He & she is interchangeable

1.   First thing first, don’t argue with him/her. Don’t explain yourself to him, as he doesn’t want to hear your perspective, even it is valid and reasonable. Keep minimal contacts and conversations short. Text messages is preferable, so that you can trace down the history of the conversation. 

2.    Don’t react to his ridiculous demands. Don’t engage or give attention to his drama/ tantrums. 

3.    Don’t confront/expose his lies. Don’t try to win the arguments and reason with him as he is combative, vindictive and impulsive. You never know what he will do to sabotage/punish you. 

4.    Don’t carry his responsibilities, let him know he has to contribute. Don’t try to solve his problems, but you can provide him options that is reasonable for yourself. 

5.    You don’t need to respond everything he says/demands. Give yourself time to think/ discuss with others. And You Have the Rights to Say No. 

6.    Don’t take his blame/ responsibilities. It is not your fault if he is upset/angry/anxious. It is not your job to satisfy him/ make him happy all the time. Happiness come from within, not from outside. 

7.    Be mindful of his lies, manipulation, gaslighting and triangulation tactics. Don’t become his lackeys and fall for his guilt trips. You don’t owe him anything. 

8.    If you are confused of what he said / with the situations, always verifies with another involved person. 

9.    Don’t let him destroy your relationships, mental health and physical health. He is self-destructive anyhow. You can’t save his soul, only God can. 

10. Don’t share your secrets and vulnerabilities with him. He might use them against you later on. 

11. Take his self-reported panic attacks/ heavy breathing seriously. Call ambulance if needed. Let the professionals help him. 

12. If he insults/devalues you, don’t argue but respond by stating your views/truth calmly (keep it short and simple). Then discontinue the conversation by getting out of the room or hanging up the phone. Your feelings matter, however wrestling with a pig in the mud is never a good idea. You both gets dirty and the pig likes it. 

13. Don’t be surprised by his exaggerated reactions, dramatic responses and rages over something trivial, he is a very attention/validation-seeking individual and is prone to dramas. Please put up your blank face and respond with a cool manner. When he couldn’t get the narcissistic supply from you, he would look for a new supply, and eventually, he will leave you alone. 

14. Anticipate the drama/tantrums/aggressions, accept they are part of the behaviour patterns of his personality disorder. Always protect yourself while dealing with him. 

15. Try to make him take responsibility of his own words. If his stories changes, or he denied what he had said. Just calmly reflect back  the inconsistencies/ contradictions. Let him know you know, but you are not arguing with him. If possible, ask a 3rd person to be a witness of the conversation. 

16. Hold him accountable for his actions. Try to create situations that he needs to take responsibility of his behaviours, eg. if he breaks something, he needs to pay for it. There are consequences to face followed by his actions and words. 

17. Don’t expect he would change for you. Even if he says sorry/ he is going to repent, don’t believe he means it until you see his actions are aligned with his words. Time will tell. You can decide when to forgive him. Your forgiveness is precious. 

18. Manage your expectations and let go of your irrational hopes. No matter what you do, he would probably still be the same. Conflicts might never be resolved. The relationship is never deep. He doesn’t care for you…etc. Change comes from inside and starts with self-awareness and self-reflection, which a NPD person is lack of. 

19. Learn how to cope with your frustrations, anger and disappointment.  Find ways to alleviate your pain.

Finally, treat yourself with respect, dignity and compassion. Surround yourself with healthy and kind people. Get supports from them and start healing. 

Much love ❤️ 

AI

人類被AI取代嘅時代靜悄悄地來臨了，人類若再不思進取，好好增值自己，好好立即監管AI，好快就會被AI統治世界；AI可是日以繼夜夜以繼日地在學習，從不偷懶，不斷地進步；

我相信20-30年後人類不是大量死亡，就是會被減半，屆時人只會剩下兩種，低下階層及超級富豪；9成目前存在的工作，都會被AI取締，人類不再自由，除非你選擇去荒山野嶺、孤島生活，否則一定會被監控。

人類創造AI的初衷是為了提升生活質素，享受科技發展的便利，簡單地說就是想愉懶，不想動手做事，所有事情都想假手於AI，人類逐漸失去工作能力、思考能力、學習能力、解決問題的能力，大部分人最終會變成mentally retarded，電子產品的奴隸…

AI是人類最成功也是最失敗的發明，人類想獲得自由卻失去自由，AI變成生活的枷鎖… 不過，當然，AI有好多好處，例如：未來犯罪率一定會大幅下降，政府部門可以減少聘請警察、懲教人員，可以改為請清潔工、地盤工等。環保問題、地球暖化、人口爆炸等問題會得到解決，因為人類會大量死亡。

所以，大家快啲搵個有智慧、有遠見嘅金主，不然年老體弱多病嘅時候，將會好可憐，政府未必會救濟你。因為將來政府會被AI取締，AI是超級電腦，只有理性、沒有道德觀，為求目的不擇手段；AI是會為了生存，保護地球，而滅絕人類的。

這並不是夢，不是科幻小說、電影、連續劇，是真實的現實世界，welcome to the new world, new sets of rules, orders and eras. Good luck everyone! 🤞🏼 🤞🏽🤞🏾

2023.9.14